Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Would you like a betting ticket with that?

I put out a plea on Twitter to my 497 followers begging for ideas to write about for today’s 2.0 installment. I got what I expected: 0 responses. But that’s OK because I found something that’s better than bacon, ham and sausage all together.

(“Dad, those all come from the same animal,” Lisa said.

“Right, Lisa, some magical, wonderful animal!” said Homer.)

This is good, good stuff.

Check out New Jersey, the Garden State, not-so-famously known for its large and flat expanses of farmland tended to by no fewer than 40 illegal aliens. This state just keeps on tickin’. Go to the link ...

New Jersey lawmakers drew up a bill that would allow some restaurants and bars to install off-track wagering terminals. This sure beats the at-your-booth jukebox playing old Mariah Carey and Don McLean’s “American Pie” again, again and again.

I’d love to step over the blood from a stab wound and rock down the steps of Tin and Lint in Saratoga Springs. I want to see Los Alamitos on my ticket, maybe a little Mountaineer with my Saranac Pale Ale. Why not?

When you can’t get people to the OTBs, bring the OTBs to the people. I can see it already. “Yes, I’ll have the cheeseburger, fries and $6 on the 4 to win.”

Booze and gambling go together like Bon Jovi and a perm. Just think of the songs Bruce Springsteen could unlock if this bill goes through. It’ll give new meaning to “Darkness on the Edge of Town.”

And look, New Jersey doesn’t refer to OTBs as OTBs: they’re OTWs, an Off-Track Wagering parlor. Who’s got dibs on OTGs?

Anyway, under the current construct the bill calls for 60 licenses, though that number will likely be lower, according to an nj.com story. The beauty of bringing horse racing to a bar or restaurant is like giving the patrons a hypodermic needle of racing to their blood. Tie off a vein and fix that with some Daily Double.

The other beauty is that the facilities are already built, aren’t they? According to the story, the startup costs for an OTW are at minimum $4 million and could be as high as $12. A million saved is a million earned.

I say take out “Golden Tee” and put up a betting window. Do you see “Buck Hunter?” Give it the heave-ho and put up a betting terminal. “Donkey Kong?” Please! Put in a betting terminal. I can already see discounted drinks when you present a betting ticket, a losing one, of course.

The thoroughbred and standardbred horse groups support the measure, and so should you.

It’s about time Keno had some competition.

Brendan O'Meara is the author of "Six Weeks in Saratoga." Follow him on Twitter.

Written by Brendan O'Meara

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BallHype: hype it up!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Happy New Year?

The year that was had its moments, but while most folks will do lists of the iconic images of 2011, I’ll leave that to most folks. Rather, in this spot, let’s project to what could be the top headlines of 2012

The Eclipse Awards: If nothing else it will, at last, put 2011 to bed. This should be streamed live online for anyone who’d like to watch it who doesn’t have TVG, or whoever else airs the awards. Seems silly to shrink an already small audience.

The Birth of Jess Jackson’s Super Horse: Rachel Alexandra will deliver a colt in five weeks. Mr. Jackson thought he was being original in thinking that breeding one great horse to another could yield yet another great horse with stamina and speed. What have breeders been doing for centuries? Still, his intentions and heart were in the right spot by breeding his two favorite horses to give racing as a regal a bloodline as an inbred Hapsburg.

The attention on this colt will be astounding. If you thought Nicanor—the troubled, chain smoking, blogging, inventor-of-cheap-board-games—brother of the late Barbaro was showered with attention, just wait until the RA-Curlin cross fails to stand up after 20 minutes.

The Birth of Jerry and Ann Moss’s Super Horse: Zenyatta will deliver a Bernardini foal later in the spring. As if Zenyatta and Bernardini weren’t already late bloomers themselves, their foal will be four to five months behind its contemporaries. Advice? Don’t start this horse until 2016. (Where will I be in 2016? Probably chain smoking, blogging, and inventing cheap board games.)

The Rise of Aqueduct: The purses are rising higher than Americans’s credit card bills. And with that comes the prospect of other out-of-state trainers moving strings to the Empire State. Why not run for $10,000 extra dollars for the same claiming race run in another state? Sure, it’d be great if betting handle itself could support the sport, but it doesn’t cut it anymore. No shame in milking the gaming law teat. It’s here to stay and the tracks and states that don’t get with the picture will find themselves fall by way of the Montreal Expos.

Royal Delta: Bill Mott is already pointing this filly to the Dubai World Cup. She had a brilliant 2011 and will be one of the best, if not the best, horse returning in 2012.

Actor Horses: I hope “Luck” finds a nice spot on HBO. That channel’s history with television dramas is mighty fine. See Sopranos. “War Horse,” while not a horse racing movie, has promise. Also Solomon Gill’s “Viva Canonero,” about Canonero II, will hit the screen in the fall of 2012. That horse will teach you a thing or two about adversity.

Those are just some of things to look forward to. That, and a reduced exotics takeout presented by the N.Y.R.A. You give a little, you get a little. Even Steven.

Brendan O'Meara is the author of "Six Weeks in Saratoga." Follow him on Twitter, if you dare.

Written by Brendan O'Meara

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BallHype: hype it up!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

And the winner is …

This race was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. And what are we to learn from our new reindeer overlords? Might I remind them that while they may enslave us all and have us toil deep into their grassy web, that people will still need entertainment in the form of witty banter involving any and all ungulates.

No race had more drama or was more entertaining than this one in 2011. The indifference these ungulates exhibited was only rivaled by their bastard horse cousins. Well, no horse wanted to win more than Shackleford, so I excuse him. He’ll go down as one of those gutsy sons-of-guns that I’ll be able to watch again and again. Watch the way he lowers his head.

This year has left horse racing no reason to wake up in the morning. Poor Jeannine Edwards. She was handed the burden of hosting the Eclipse Awards in a year that deserves no memorial.

The sad thing is awards will be handed out without a sense of irony. The Eclipse Awards will be worth watching (if they’re worth watching in the first place) if it were tongue-in-cheek. The racing product reeked so bad an elephant would forget them.

A racing year like the one we’ve had does little renew one’s spirits. Does anyone really care who’s coming back from the older division? Animal Kingdom? Royal Delta (I’m admittedly interested in RD)? Havre de Grace? Stay Thirsty? What better time than now to hold the first — and last — Carryover Awards? Which I will call ... the Carryover Awards.

Horse of the Year: Rapid Redux. Go on, read the sixty-three posts I’ve written about this horse.

Champion Trainer: David Wells, trainer of Rapid Redux. When was the last time an “elite” trainer kept a horse sound for more than eight races? Wells has kept Rapid Redux sound for 21 wins in a row.

Best Illustration of what Slot Machines can do for your image: Aqueduct. You can’t really make fun of Aqueduct any more and that’s because poor people with little hope for a better tomorrow go crazy for the ting-a-ling of a video lottery terminal (when’s the next bus heading down to Ozone Park?). Racing gets a sliver of the slot revenue, but it’s like cheesecake— it’s so rich a sliver is all it needs.

Champion Disappointers: The Three-Year-Old Colts. None of them could string together consecutive grade 1 wins. This isn’t the NFL. There’s no parity in the Triple Crown. Every big race anointed a new “freak.” Animal Kingdom! Shackleford! Ruler on Ice! Coil! Stay Thirsty!

Best Performance by a Jockey: Chris McCarron on NPR’s Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. Host Peter Sagal, who is one of the funniest and sharpest comedians and hosts, came unraveled a bit while interviewing McCarron, mainly because Sagal knows as much about horse racing as I do about comedy. He said that McCarron had once ridden a Triple Crown winner. McCarron corrected him. Still, when asked if McCarron was frustrated when the horse got all the credit he said, “Yeah! They’re bred to run! I’m not bred to ride!”

Best Tim Tebow Impersonation: Drosselmeyer. Let’s face it, Drosselmeyer has no ability, is likely left handed and devoutly religious, scrambles for his dear life, has as good an arm as Tebow, is equally loved and loathed by John Elway, and keeps the game just close enough to win in the final strides. You’ve heard of Tebow Time. Now it’s “My race horse has a first name: it’s D-R-O-S-S-E-L-M-E-Y-E-R.” Ah, forget it.

Best Storm: Hurricane Irene. Cancelled a day of racing at Saratoga and a book signing for yours truly. The racing I can understand, but when a storm got a venue to nix a signing of Six Weeks in Saratoga, you better hope it tore down a covered bridge or two. That’s because it did.

Best Impersonation of an Elite Filly: Havre de Grace. Maybe she was tired from her epic Delaware Cap, or maybe she’s just not as flashy, or maybe she watched too many hours of “Grumpier Old Men,” but HdG’s win in the Woodward seemed about as fun as watching Birdstone beat Smarty Jones.

Best Athletic Performance: These reindeer. You gotta watch it again.

Written by Brendan O'Meara

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BallHype: hype it up!

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