Sunday, March 30, 2008

I Told You So.

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Friday, February 29, 2008

Breeders’ Cup 2008:  Leave the Pink Ribbons at Home, Please…

Truly, the Road to Hell is paved with good intentions...

BC/NTRA execs, please take notice: I think it's doggone groovy that you've upped the purses for the BC races that are restricted to fillies and mares. Originally I thought that it MIGHT be OK to create a day of all female races--as long as those races are granted the respect they're due. But the way you've cooked up this hare-brained scheme reeks of disrespect and shortsightedness. Changing the format to two days was a mistake from the get-go: no network is going to cover two days of racing--so it's inevitable that Friday's card will be pushed to the side. Ergo...with this new format, WHICH races get second-shrift?

Of course, those designated for fillies and mares.

Racing Misogyny is alive and well, and taking up residence at the Breeders' Cup.

If BC planners insist on going to two days (and therefore eliminating the sense of Breeders' Cup Day being special)--if you boys in the executive office must have two days, I suggest moving the Classic. The race that, in your limited minds, should be restricted to male horses. The Breeders' Cup Classic should be the first race on Friday morning. Sound ridiculous? Insulting? A Major Marketing Mistake? Since you know that NO ONE ON THE PLANET is going to watch the first race on Friday--then WHY will ANYone race then? If you find it ludicrous to suggest that the Classic be the first race--think about how we females feel about female horses racing at that time, getting no notice at all.

In a nutshell:
* The Breeders' Cup should be just one special day, a Saturday.
* If is must, absolutely must, be a two-day mess, it should be a Saturday and Sunday--and the races for fillies and mares not relegated to one day or the other. Mix it up.
* If it must, absolutely must, be Friday and Saturday--all the male races, including the Classic, should be on Friday. Let the boys take second chair to the women. For a change.
* The Distaff should be called, The Distaff. Let the masses learn the definition of the word.
* And just for the heck of it, the thinking about the Classic should be that both genders are not only welcome, but that no one will be lambasted for having the "nerve" for entering their female Thoroughbred. Michael Paulson took unnecessary heat for entering Azeri in the BC Classic in 2004. He handled the grief with grace and aplomb, but his maltreatment merely showed how stupid and narrow-minded people--especially the racing media--can be.

The sport is still a bastion of misogyny. Women who want in the sport are encouraged to pick a role: Hostess or Track Bunny. Fillies and mares are still thought of as being "inferior," unless you're a "freak." SIGH.

Now, to that which is really, REALLY sticking in my craw: the fact that someone in the Breeders' Cup office--apparently a 20-something male, suffering from Testosterone Poisoning—thinking that it was a Great Idea, a bit of Marketing Genius, no less, said: Let's card all the filly and mare races on one day, and (orchestra swell) let's call it, "Ladies Day."

I'm sorry, but I have a serious aversion to the use of the word, "Ladies," from the get-go. A woman is an adult human female. Not all women are ladies. And many of the women who want to be called "Ladies" are clinging desperately—with 2"-long, squared-off fingernails—to an outdated concept of women and our roles in the world. It grates my nerves, like those same spikey fingernails on a blackboard.

It's about language. LANG-UAGE: Women are adult females. Ladies are adult females who adhere to socially-constructed rules of behavior, which usually dictate that they behave like little girls. Well-behaved women never made history: witness the outspoken lives of Penny Chenery, Patti Barton, Kristin Mulhall. By the same token, well-behaved female horses never made history: Azeri, Winning Colors, Rags to Riches. Strong, smart, capable, brilliant females. Nary a "Lady" in sight.

Let's move on, to the concept of "Ladies' Day" activities for women at the Breeders' Cup. WHY, I'm asking—WHY!?!?—will women's health organizations be present? This is not a gynecology convention—it's the Breeders' Cup. Local malls can offer Women's Health Days—let the pink-ribbon booths be set up at South Coast Plaza—not at Santa Anita. I'd be fine with the thought of women's health groups having tables there, if Saturday's events at Santa Anita include tables and workshops on men's health. Bring in a proctologist, and see how many men respond well to the "men's health" aspect of the Breeders' Cup. (I must admit to wondering what the "women's health" folks will give away at Ladies' Day at a racetrack? Pink specula, wrapped in racing silks?)

Just sayin'...

More suggestions, BC and NTRA planners: listen up, this is good stuff:
* Nuke the OB/Gyns, pink ribbons and instructions on how to give ourselves an exam. There are plenty of malls and other, truly appropriate, venues for discussing women's health. A race track is not the correct place to discuss my uterus.
* DO—that is, DO—offer booths where women and girls—and male fans, of course—can meet some of the Great Women of Racing. Both sung and unsung. Give us the chance to shake hands with Penny Chenery, Julie Krone and the unknown heroines of the backstretch. Inspire us to pursue careers in this sport. We don't need your approval, but a little encouragement would be great.
* Host a seminar on Handicapping for Women. Feature a female handicapper, like the talented Jeanne Wood. Teach us to handicap. We'll take it from there.

THAT's what "Ladies' Day" at the Breeders Cup 2008 should be about: for starters, it should be renamed, Women's Day. And it should feature real, smart, savvy women of both species who love this sport, and participate in it. Encouraging other females to become involved, on whatever level we dream. Give us the tools, we'll take it from there.

Not sure how to do it, guys, to market this sport to females? Ask me, anytime. That's why I'm here, bangin' my head against the barn wall.

[Now I'll get shrill about the apparent aversion to longer races and older horses...oh, that's next week's column...]


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Saturday, January 05, 2008

My Wish List for 2008

OK, it’s the New Year, and with it comes hopes, dreams and expectations of a better world. Here are mine—please Comment here, and share your own Wish List. I’d really like to see what you hope transpires in 2008.

I WISH…

* …that Indian Charlie would share with me his recipe for making a living as a writer in this sport.

* …that Johnny V. would invest in Velcro for the Saratoga meet in August—assuming that there IS a Saratoga meet in August.

* …that starters would get the props they deserve, doing the Most Dangerous Job in Sports.

* …that breeders would stop thinking of Thoroughbreds as Xerox machines, crankin’ ‘em out at record speed. Take a cue from Sheikh Hamdan, and SLOW DOWN. You’re killing your stallions, and watering down the breed. The world doesn’t need more cross-eyed, bow-legged, developmentally-disabled rejects who end up at New Holland: leave the Mass Production Handbook to the Quarter Horse People.

* ...and that owners of a great horse would take a step back, BREATHE and realize that their Great Horse will still be capable of reproducing AFTER the age of three. You wonder why fans aren't flocking to American tracks? Blame the owners who rip their horses off the track after a great three-year-old season so they can hit the breeding shed. Fans fall in love with a horse; buy t-shirts, baseball caps and pictures of the critter--then are denied the opportunity to see their rock star horse race because s/he's been transformed from a Great Horse into a Cash Cow. Of course I wouldn't keep a horse on the track who's been injured, or is sick...but fans are now so used to the Early Retirement Plan that they're not investing their hearts--or their money--in the horses. Kudos to the owners of Better Talk Now and Azeri for keeping their horses on the track and building the fanbase. Sure, BTN is a gelding, but I suspect that, if he'd been intact--they'd still have let him keep doing his thing. And the mighty Azeri? Her first race wasn't until the November 1st the year before she officially turned three. Hugs to Bushwood Stables and Michael Paulson for displaying Uncommon Wisdom in this age of greed and lack of insight.

* …and I surely do wish that the Jockey Club would administer that “no dirty words” rule in a manner that’s fair to ALL. The rules should apply across-the-board. Either it’s OK, or it’s not. Besides, I plan to name a filly, “Bodacious Ta-Tas” in the near future. (Mad props to Jay-Dog for the idea.)

* …that Natural Horsemanship would become The Norm: working WITH your horses and not AGAINST them, cooperation, not domination—will win more races and fans than a sport marked by allowable cruelty, doping and indifference.

* …that this is the year that The Whip goes out of style. Every time I see a jock smacking a horse, I want to beat the crap out of the jock. For the jocks’ sake—and to keep me from doing time for assault—outlaw riding crops.

* …that LeRoy Jolley would get all the stalls he needs at Saratoga. The Hall of Famer won two Kentucky Derbies, and knows more about racing than all the others, put together. He’s an inspiration and role model—if he doesn’t deserve respect, I don’t know who does.

* …that Sheikh Mo would hire me to write for all his US operations. Or at least that he’d adopt me.

* …that hardboots would learn to respect horsemen and –women from other places. A knowledgeable horseman in New York, Delaware or Illinois is just as smart and capable as a Kentuckian. (Did I say that Out Loud???)

* …and that Kentuckians would stop asking me if I’m a Yankee. The war’s over. We won. Work through it.

* …that we’d see more beautiful Black faces in the Clubhouse. African-Americans should be in winner’s circles as owners, trainers and breeders, and our sport’s not truly egalitarian until we figure out how to market it as a viable enterprise to EVERYONE.

* …that racing folks would grow some smarts, and create the aforementioned (in this column) Racing Commission, and appoint a viable Commissioner. NOT someone who gets the job because of connections, or because of the fat roll of cash in their pockets, but because the KNOW the sport; and love and respect the horses. Please, my brothahs and sistahs in racing—let’s establish the American Racing Commission in 2008.

* …that My Main Man, Curlin, will be crowned, “King of the World.” I told you, back in the Spring, that he would prove himself—AND that he’d win the Breeders’ Cup Classic. Horse of the Year should go to the Thoroughbred who’s built a career and shown her/himself to be sturdy, strong, fast and smart. HOY should NOT go to a horse who races twice, then HAPPENS to win the BC Classic. Curlin established himself early in the year, and built his accomplishments in a fashion that shows that truly, he’s got The Stuff.

* …I hope, indeed, that the word, “Freak” will fall out of common parlance—especially in reference to fillies and mares. Being strong, fast and capable does NOT make a female Thoroughbred a “Freak”—it makes her a racehorse. And besides, that word, along with the OTHER f-word, is used entirely too often in our sport. Every third horse is NOT a Freak: the word has no meaning anymore because of overuse. The last Freak in racing was Secretariat. Don’t agree with me? The NEXT time a horse wins the Belmont by 31 lengths…call me.

* …I also wish that more women with access to power in racing--those with money, experience and knowledge—would step up to the plate and help women and girls who want in. The infestation of nouveau riche babes with squared-off fingernails and perennially-frozen Botox faces in the Clubhouse makes me wanna pack up my silicone bra and retire.

* …Oh, how I wish I’d thought up the phrase, “Crazy as a rat in a coffee can.” One of the funniest images on Earth—again, props to Indian Charlie.

* …I wish I had John Pricci’s knowledge, insight and ability to communicate it. Damn, John, you really ARE The Man. I respect you more than you’ll ever know.

* …most of all, I wish all of you out there in world Thoroughbred racing a year of prosperity, fulfillment, joy and personal accomplishment as we plug away together to promote The Only Sport Worth Watching.


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